i hate tourists.

if you are visiting my part of the country, please keep in mind that i have a normal life to live, which includes getting places, including work, on time.

please:

• do not walk down the sidewalk five people abreast, then look at me like i shouldn't be coming from the opposite direction. normal people leave enough space on the sidewalk for other people.
• do not walk slow, or stop completely, in the middle of the sidewalk, where you and your whole family are taking up the entire sidewalk. i do not want to get hit by a maniac taxi while attempting to get around you.
• yes, i know the speed limit sign on route 66 says 55. but they meant 85. and on i495, they meant 95.
• if you decide to drive slower than the speed of traffic, drive in the right lane. the left lane is very dangerous for you, considering that if you are rear-ended you will cause a ten car accident that will take days to clear up. and it will be all your fault.
• if you cannot drive in precipitation (such as rain), reflecting sunshine, or other weather hazards that are apparently unique to the dc metro area, take a taxi.
• no, i do not know where the duck tour starts. i live here. i don't take tours.
• iwo jima is in virginia. so are the national airport, dulles airport, the manassas battlefield, the jefferson memorial, and arlington cemetery.
• when attempting to ride the metro, do not stop for a chitchat at the bottom of the escalator. there are people behind you! do not talk to the locals. they are on their way to or home from work, and do not care about your vacation. and if you're on the metro when i'm on my way to work, the museums are closed.
• FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHEN ON ANY ESCALATOR, YOU WALK ON THE LEFT, STAND ON THE RIGHT.